Brunch at Diagon Alley
by Quidgymoto
Summary: Harry glimpses Diagon Alley for the first time, however the Hagrid by his side is not all he appears and soon Harry must face the worst brunch of his life.


**Brunch at Diagon Alley**

Hagrid's umbrella tapped a sequence on the worn brick wall as Harry watched with a puzzled expression. Had Hagrid left his wits back in the Leaky Cauldron? Harry was just about to open his mouth to ask what Hagrid hoped to accomplish by tapping one inanimate object against another when suddenly the tapping stopped.

The brick wall came alive, bricks folding in, one over another until a doorway large enough to fit two horses allowed the young wizard to glimpse what lay beyond.

"Welcome, Harry, ta Diagon Alley," Hagrid announced with a touch of pride as he tucked his umbrella back into the folds of his trench coat.

They stepped through into what Harry could only describe as a story book. Diagon Alley stretched as far as his bespectacled eyes could see, lined with leaning quirky houses and filled with the bubble of a crowd's chatter.

"Woah," Harry breathed.

The pair stepped through onto the cobblestones and began to walk through the crowd of robed witches and wizards, dressed in so many hues of colour Harry swore they plucked the colours straight from a rainbow. The sights of magic at work in the store windows drew his eye; in this one paintings moved with one of the portraits giving him a wave, in that window stuffed animals tumbled over in an endless game of tag much to the amusement of some young children gathered to watch. But the delicious smells wafting in the air made the hungry boy's mouth water.

"What is that smell, Hagrid? I didn't realise how hungry I was!" Harry exclaimed.

"Righty-o, then, Harry you've just made up my mind. Our first stop will be a lunch like none you've ever 'ad before," Hagrid smiled.

Harry looked dubiously at the jostling crowd.

"I really hope they will have enough space for us... does the food taste as good as it smells?" he asked.

Hagrid smiled down at the boy and gave a wink. "If ya know where ta go."

His stomach had begun making the most inhumane of noises by the time Hagrid eventually stopped to turn down a side alley and finally Harry breathed a sigh of relief. They must be close to the place for lunch by now, surely?

The further they walked down the alley, the fouler the smell in the air became.

"Phew, this doesn't smell nice at all Hagrid, where are we going?" he asked the large man.

Hagrid came to an abrupt halt next to a rather large, odd looking metallic box, a mix of food scraps, torn clothing and wrappers sticking out of the top. Harry didn't even want to hazard a guess at some of the other items in what he assumed was a garbage bin.

Hagrid spun around and suddenly Harry found himself staring down the barrel of a .45 pistol.

"Lunch is served, Potter," Hagrid leered. "Eat up."

Harry held both his hands up before him and glanced at the rubbish.

"B-but Hagrid, this is rubbish, things people throw away that have no further use. It's not edible-"

There was a click as Hagrid flicked the safety off.

"I won't ask again. Sit down, shut up and eat this rubbish," he commanded.

Tears coursing down his face, Harry took a seat and began to devour the scraps out of the bin, wondering why his new found friend was forcing him to eat such disgusting food. He thought it may be some sort of wizard test so he didn't attempt to argue any further and instead chewed and swallowed and tried to think of something, anything he'd rather be eating.

He'd eaten his way through half of the vile content of the bin before he heard heavy footsteps coming down the side alley towards them. Harry looked up towards the sound, with half a stained sock hanging out of his mouth, to behold a second Hagrid.

"You drugged me and stole my umbrella you, you... impersonator!" other Hagrid bellowed.

Turning his gaze from his grisly brunch, Harry looked at who he thought was Hagrid and gasped. In place of the towering man-giant now stood a pale boy, with platinum blond hair and cold eyes. The pale boy shrugged out of the trench coat which now swamped him and pointed the gun at the real Hagrid.

"You stupid oaf, it's your own fault that you couldn't defend yourself against a kid," he sneered.

"What the ruddy hell's goin' on!" Hagrid lurched forwards with fists clenched.

"I just made Potter eat garbage," the mean boy grinned. He eyed Harry with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"I know that you don't know me yet, Potter, but my father and I certainly know YOU. You wind up becoming such a pest at Hogwarts, so I decided to take a trip back in time with the help of your friend," with the other hand he held up a fine golden chain, with a golden hourglass pendant dangling from the end.

"Well, I say 'help' but I actually pushed her down some stairs and stole it," he shrugged and tucked the necklace underneath his shirt.

"You little devil 'ow could you be so 'eartless as to make another boy eat rubbish," Hagrid growled.

The pale boy smiled.

"Doesn't matter, he even seemed to enjoy it. Anyway, you're both idiots and I've had my fun."

With that he fired off a shot at Hagrid and began to run away further along the alley.

Hagrid bolted after him and as a second thought backed up a few paces to pick up his trench coat and rifled around until he found his umbrella. He had almost started off again before he remembered that Harry was still sitting on the grime-encrusted ground next to the rubbish bin.

"For god's sake, 'Arry get tha' sock out o' your mouth," Hagrid yanked the dirty sock from the boy's mouth, picked him up and slung him under one arm.

So the chase began.

Twelve fires, at least four owl attacks and an enchanted mannequin break dancing competition later the giant of a man saw the pale boy, Draco Malfoy, running into the entrance of Gringotts Bank.

"Nowhere to go now, ya little snot," he crowed.

As he was running past the last shop front, a kindly looking witch called out to him.

"Sir! That boy under your arm has turned an alarming shade of green! Perhaps you should put him down before he loses his lunch?"

With no time to spare, Hagrid whirled around and propped Harry up against the outside of the witch's store.

"Uh, well lad just...you jus' sit here okay and I'll be right back after givin' that Malfoy boy what's comin' ta him."

Harry managed to nod, or Hagrid took it as a nod anyway, and was off again after the poorly behaved youth.

Meanwhile, in Gringotts, Malfoy had bullied his way past a few goblins and was now hopelessly lost in the underground caves and tunnels of the famous wizard's bank. Knowing he would have to probably kill Hagrid should they come face to face, and not wanting a murder charge to taint his family honour, he ran until he was short of breath with a sheen of sweat covering his face. He leaned against the door to an enormous vault, squinting into the barely illuminated gloom.

He'd grabbed a goblin lantern before barging his way into the domain of the bank goblins, as well as pushing the Keymaster of Gringotts down a flight of stairs and stealing his set of keys. But even the lantern hardly made a dent in the darkness that surrounded him.

"I'm going to die down here," he moaned.

As he was catching his breath, he reminisced and decided that dying in the depths of Gringotts was worth it to see Potter eat filthy rubbish. Served him right for being such a twat, he thought.

"If only I could find my way back and get past that idiot groundskeeper and back to my father, then I'd get away with it all," he whispered.

Long minutes ticked by and still he couldn't hear signs of pursuit. He was all alone down here... or so he thought.

There was a noise... was it a deep boom? It sounded very short but very close by. Draco lifted up his lantern and peered up and down the tunnel.

"H-hello?" he asked.

Silence.

_Boom. Boom-ba-boom._

Draco whirled around; certain the noise had resonated from the very vault he had been leaning against. He placed the lantern down on the ground and pressed an ear against the cold metal of the vault door. He rapped his knuckles once, twice and paused to listen again.

There were two knocks from the other side of the vault. He breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't going to die here alone after all.

"Hi in there, hello? I'm lost and want to find my way out. Tap once if you know the way out, twice if you don't."

There came one tap from the other side and Draco felt relief flood through him.

"If I manage to get this door open, do you agree to lead me out of here back into Diagon Alley? Tap once for yes, twice for no," he yelled, hopeful.

Once again, one tap came from inside the vault.

Grinning, Draco produced the Keymaster's jangling bunch of ornate keys from his pocket.

He held the lantern up and eventually found the keyhole and it took another ten minutes to sort through the ancient keys to find the right one. With a flourish, he inserted the key and gave a twist. The mechanisms of the door responded instantly and Draco had to step back to avoid being whacked by the outwards swinging door.

"He held the lantern up and smiled. "Thank you so much, my father will rewar-"

An evil dark grey beak snuck out of the darkness and pecked the lantern out of Draco's hand, smashing it to the floor and pitching the tunnel into darkness.

Up above, Hagrid paced the marbled floor of Gringotts getting more impatient by the minute. Draco's father, Lucius Malfoy, followed the pacing of Hagrid with eyes of contempt.

"Whichever one of you finds my son safe and well first will be richly rewarded," he said to the goblins.

Suddenly, one of the main doors leading to the underground vaults burst open and a goblin bank employee only had time to scream one word.

"Emus!"

A flood of grey feathers, spindly legs and blood red eyes rushed out of the door with a noise like thunder, sweeping all from the hall of Gringotts in a bloody tide. The horde of emus stampeded out in Diagon Alley, smashing glass, trampling witches and wizards alike and destroying everything in a blind rage only possessed by that of giant flightless birds.

The fight in Diagon Alley lasted for two days, with fires consuming most of the buildings, but not even the mightiest of battle wizards from the Ministry of Magic could stem the flow of thousands upon thousands of emus released from Gringotts. The bird army spread and soon there were reports of guerrilla style attacks by emus even on Hogwarts itself. The second Great Emu War had been unleashed upon the world and wizards then knew the true meaning of fear.

END


End file.
